Haha...what to do? Irony is so...poetic isn't it? You think one thing will happen and the opposite does, you think a person feels on way and act upon that and the reverse seems to be in play...so confusing, so agrivating, so wrong. Well my friends he has decided to make his prescence known to me again. Yesterday was I not full of dout? Did I not say that fate usually hands me items to erase such an emotion? Haha...the Angel regrets...or so it seems. I don't know what to think to give him a second chance or to drop him...let me clearify. Today I got on the bus chipper as possible at that early hour and Quita hands me a CD player and says that Doud sent this song over for me to hear. The song is as follows:

Artist: Backstreet Boys
Album: Black And Blue
Title: It's True

Even a lover makes a mistake sometimes
Like any other
Fall out and lose his mind
And I'm sorry for the things I did
For your teardrops over words I said
Can you forgive me and open
your heart once again, oh yeah

It's true
I mean it
From the bottom of my heart
Yeah, it's true
Without you I would fall apart

Whatever happened
I know that I was wrong, oh yes
Can you believe me
Maybe your faith is gone
But I love you and I always will

So I wonder if you want me still
Can you forgive me and open
your heart once again, oh yeah

It's true
I mean it
From the bottom of my heart
Yeah, it's true
Without you I would fall apart

I'd do anything to make it up to you
So please understand
And open your heart once again

It's true
I mean it
From the bottom of my heart
Yeah, it's true
Without you I would fall apart

I never went through the BSB *NSYNC fetish but this song brought me to tears on the bus. I was angry because I was trying to forget him and he made me remember, I was angry because he ignored me for so long, I was angry because he wasn't there at that moment to hold me and say it was okay. I hated him I loved him All the emotions thrown together made me unable to keep comtol. Soon Quita tried to make me feel better but soon remembered her love that was gone and we both sat there crying leaning on each other sharing our pain, mourning the abscence of our boys, cleasing a sorrowilled soul, cleaning out festering wounds. How do I react to that? The individual unstairs needs to figure out what he wants me to do! Freak...I'm emotionally tired as I'm sure others of you (Peter, Lauren) are. I think we all just need a lot of love. Something I think most of us have been deprived. What do I do...just as I close my heart to him he asks for forgiveness. I have lost faith, I have shed to many tears why should I give him another chance? But...but if he didn't deserve it then why did that happen today? Why not a month from now? It happens the day after...what do I do...I just don't know...